Have you ever had this feeling of being “drained out” by work … with life … and with everything other thing…??

I’ve been having this feeling lately … “drained out” mentally and physically…. emotionally sometimes… I would asked myself what am I drained away of ? I have always been the usual me … going to work every weekday … trying to clear as much work as possible…trying to find happiness and enjoyment in the work i’m doing …. and looking forward to the last day of the week so that I can spend time with my child … watching her grow everyday …(erm actually is every weekend…cos I usually only get to spend my weekend with her…) and the routine falls back the same way every weeks…

and as time goes by … i’m starting to find that i’m lacking something….(definitely money is one of the thing everyone is lacking..same goes for me ..but that’s not what i’m trying to say) …something which sometimes I find that I cannot put words into it … or perhaps I’m still looking for that “something”….

Just these few days I seems to grasp and understand what i’m missing…. I’m missing the stage of learning…learning something new … missing creativity …. missing innovation … missing new stuffs ….

I have been in this industry for 8 years … although I cannot say its a long time ..but definitely not short either … thinking back … the past few years back in RT I was still able to learn something new at some point of time …. i’m still able to face new challenges in life … but these two years .. life and work seems to become stagnant … it’s not bad sometimes … ya know … going to work at 9 … ending work at 7 or 8 (occasionally at 9) …. going home and slack infront of the TV … but just too bland? I can’t find the right words to describe my life now … probably i’m thinking too much … asking for too much … too demanding?? I find that I’m in need of learning new stuffs … probably going for a new course … engaging in new work (not corp sec) … but yet i’m worrying too much … too many other factors to consider … can I cope with studies and a child? taking new loan for the studies? do I have the time??

I’m finding myself lost at a junction … at one point with the level that I’m with my current work .. I find myself providing too much …. and receiving too little (not monetary terms .. I have to say my current firm is definitely willing to give good pay) … that’s why I’m feeling drained …. draining of all my knowledge and there has been no input of new knowledge …. now that’s the thing i’m currently lacking …. New Knowledge ….

where should I go … what should I do … to get new knowledge and without jeopardising my current stagnant life too much ….

I’m so so terrible and sorry that I am actually updating this blog post after 3 months and after the passing of my big 3 …. yes.. I have officially stepped into the thirty-ish … OMG… it sounded so old… but oh well … its about time I guess… not to say i’m already a mother of one now…

Anyway … life has remained the same … busy with work, accompanying my girl every weekend … and finding time to rest whenever I can … looking after a one year old is no easy job and I have to really feel blissful and thankful to my mum who is looking about my girl on the weekdays … its no easy task especially my little one is so active and out-going … curious and love to tag along … she just loved to explore every little thing at home… which can be really frustrating at times… cos the electric sockets are just at her level and she just tends to go “explore” those stuffs… and did I mention that she got a really bad temper … (wonder who she takes after …*roll eyes*)

at times she can be a real angel while at others …. she’s just a little monster …. *sigh* but I still loves her …

as for my work life….. it remains messy and full of s&^%$ stuffs… its so tiring sometimes that I really feels reluctant going to work …. especially now there’s this new acquisition by the firm … and the world is small enough to be meeting those people whom I have worked with … (and probably did not get that well along I guess) but I guess I remained as who I am … the loner who shall ignore the whole world and just slowly clearing my work….

there’s no longer special things happening … and life is pretty stagnant… probably just work work and work … I hope to really have something special to share .. but till then I guess…

Actually another 3 month had just passes by since my last update …. it had seems like I have been updating my blog every quarterly…. hopefully that is not a trend for my updating…. but all the excuses that I have got were “I’m busy”, “It’s tiring looking after a 1 yo and working” …. and yes… my baby is now 1yo … how time flies like rocket to the sky … every now and then I had been reminiscing the day she was born … the pain that I had felt … the amazing feeling that she was in my arms when she arrived with that loud cry …. and now she’s one ….

We did not had any big celebration as it just so happens that my brother is getting married during the same month as her birthday and there’s the old myth that those with such “celebration” e.g. birthdays or wedding should avoid attending as it might “crash” with the person celebrating it… well… old people’s myth … there’s no fact but there’s also no harm believing it … but I brought my baby for a photo-shoot sort of comforting myself that it is something “special” that I have did for her on the special day .. I guess … she was tired and I think she had fun… the photos turned out great … although the pricing was around the steep side .. but I think it is all worthwhile … oh ya … we went to the studio loft for the shoot… very professional I think … should have took baby to a newborn shoot with them … wat a waste … probably the next one …

work life have become pretty hectic … with one of the assistant manager whom had left transferring the portfolio over to me … can’t say I can manage well or not .. as the files are pretty messy … all we can do is to try and clean up the messy and try to set everything to the correct order and procedures … as best as we could … so its pretty time consuming…have been staying late for a couple of week … but I tried to leave on time on days which I have to accompanied by gal … as best as I could …

ok .. here’s now.. continue some other time… (hopefully its not 3 months later)

Gosh…. have been mia-ing for like almost …. 3 months!!! OMG!!! What have I been busying with ….

Days just seems to pass by so quickly…. firstly I ended my work-life with the firm whom I’ve been with for the past 8 years… it was not disheartening to part at all but a new start-up for me … something refreshing was what I had thought … a sense of relief to have finally handover all the work to my successor … a sense of accomplishment … to have reach this far in a firm … and now I’ve moved on to another firm … althou the workload is really a challenge for me but I just that was the same everywhere whenever anyone start anew … I guess….

Subsequent I had a two weeks break before starting on the new job … and hubby and I went to Taipei for a short break … as we had been to Taiwan a couple of times … we basically went there without any aim and just walked around and eat the street foods etc …. weather was cold .. as it had been raining… although we have been there a few times… I think we’ll still go back there .. probably next time won’t choose winter or spring time….

Then new environment at new work place everything just need to be adjusted in order to feel at place… new systems… new clients… etc… probably bcos i’m just to merticulous? I had to do everything very hands-on … so I guess it was pretty tedious… hopefully things get better …

As for my little girl.. she’s growing well and getting more and more cheeky … sometimes I just felt that due to work probably I’ve missed out a lot of her growing stage … abit disappointed but I just sometimes its just part and parcel of life where you just have to forgo something in order to earn something…. whenever I missed her I would just relook at her babies’ photo … soon my little baby is gonna turn one… how I wish time could go slower sometimes…

Just when I’ve been reminding myself that I have been mia-ing from my blog too long…. here I am finally doing some posting…. (instead of using the word, updating….)

December flew pass quickly enough without letting me reminisce what had happened ….

and just into the beginning of a new year…. I’ve decided that its time for me to move on …. in terms of career …. probably a change would be better…was what I had in mind …. anyway everything is final now … so I can just take a step slowly at a time …. hopefully I get to have more time with my baby girl this year …. every time I hold on to her… look at her when she’s sleeping …. I just can’t help to think that I might have just missed some of her growing times…. while I’m at work…

but I just that’s the dilemma every working mum faced I guess…. for the sake of the need of bread …. some sacrifice are just required ….

my mind’s in a blank now … so … that’s just all folks…. look forward to the coming Lunar New Year…. (hopefully … I remember to update….as it will be my girl’s first Lunar New Year celebration…)

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